Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Chapter Two, Section Three

We have gone to a yoga class for two sessions at our gym. The first session I think we were both unprepared for because we both came out groaning. I couldn't lift my arms for the next three days. The last one was much better; I was more comfortable with the poses and stretches and was not in the least bit sore afterwards. From what I understand, yoga is good for a myriad of heath reasons, but I'm focusing on the relaxation and flexibility part. Oh, and the confidence part.

I don't do a lot of things I could because I'm so damn shy. I'm working on it. I go to the gym alone because I'm too shy to exercise in front of anyone I know. It's tough for me to go places on my own, like shopping, because I get so uncomfortable. I actually would like to make some more friends here but I don't know where to begin. I only have friends at work; I like them, but I don't pour out my soul to them.

Why am I so shy? Some would say it's genetic. Both my parents are shy. Not as shy as me, but I'm getting slightly more outgoing as I get older. I can now speak to strangers if I must, though I still don't do small talk. I would say that some of my siblings are shy, but some are not. In the past I have been mistaken for being stuck-up as a result of my shyness. I don't think I'm stuck-up. I can just never think of anything to say. I want to be friends with people, I just don't know how.

Actually, I do know how. At least, I can talk easily with children. I guess I should try visualizing people as children when I talk to them. On a tangent, as a child I was very in awe of grownups and couldn't wait to be one. I wanted to have all the secret grownup knowledge and power. Then I grew up. I realized that adults are just like kids. Only taller.


Anonymous said...

Your words touch me deeply. I also feel very shy around people and avoid leaving my house because I am afraid of getting into confrontations with the people I might encounter, not that that is likely.

I'm not a shut in or anything like that. When I go out, the way I interact with people doesn't exhibit a shy quality, but I dread having to interact with most people in most public places.

Kim Clawson said...

I used to hate shopping, buying gas, going to the bank...and could never imagine going to the gym even to exercise in front of strangers. Now that I've been on my own for so long it's not such a big deal, but it was really uncomfortable at first!