Monday, May 16, 2005

Chapter Four, Section One

I've been kind of homesick these past few weeks. I'm still not used to living in this country and I am worried about breaking rules without knowing (social rules mostly, but I guess legal stuff too). The only time I ever get into trouble is when I break rules that I'm unaware of. Like the time my boss at the inn in Vermont wanted to dock my pay because I was on the internet too long in my spare time (not during my paid hours, obviously). I didn't know there was a limit to internet time, and I got reamed for it. He ended up not docking me, but the lecture I got sure smarted.

We're going to visit my family in Utah next month and I look forward to it. I haven't been there in a few years and I especially miss my sisters. And my brothers, but I've spent more time with them than my sisters. I also want to hear the American accent. I have to say, I am very uncomfortable with my accent here, and I think I get judged by the way I talk rather than by who I am. I'm tired of standing out. I want to be around Americans again. They are just as annoying, shallow, and boring as the Brits, but hey, I blend in with them and don't get any flak for the way I talk. Actually, I'm beginning to think that most people on this planet are annoying, shallow, and boring. It doesn't really matter where they're from.

I suppose to some people I am annoying, shallow, and boring (hereby known as ASB). I certainly am on my guard with strangers and I have been told I come across as stuck up. I don't present my intellectual side or my sense of humor to most people. Maybe most of the ASB people I meet are just like me, guarding their true self. I hope so, because that many ASB people in the world is just plain sad. Or maybe I'm the one who's sad, because I am not ASB and ASB is the key to true happiness.