I have had a kind of change in my attitude recently. I've realized I don't have to wait for my ship to come in for me to have a good life. I guess that's kind of a duh statement, but it's something that's just crystallized for me. Kind of like when I realized that I didn't have to be depressed; I could actually choose to be not depressed. I remember when that happened. I was watching a nature program on tv about termites. And I thought to myself, why am I watching termites? They're so gross and I hate looking at them and they make me feel ill just watching them. Then I thought, what if I saw termites as beautiful? And then I found out I could. It was momentous. And it was only a short step away from deciding I didn't have to feel depressed. I could want to feel not depressed and it would happen.
So I've decided to stop waiting to become a millionaire before I make my house perfect. I'm going to make it perfect now, with the materials I've got. I don't have to buy things. I don't need brand new furniture (though my couch needs re-upholstering pretty darn soon or it won't have any thread left--just bare) and I just need a new kitchen floor. Well, I say a new floor but what I actually need is a floor. Any floor really, so long as it is sturdy and durable. We have just a stretch of concrete right now. I was thinking I might like laminate floor boards which comes in planks and looks like hardwood but is actually pretend wood. Partner is leaning more towards what is called lino which is actually not linoleum but a cheaper variation. They don't really do linoleum in this country. Lino aka vinyl flooring I guess can look good and it's common in a kitchen. Lino is a lot more pliable than linoleum and can almost fold. I think I don't want tiles on the floor. Too cold on the feet. I think it'd be different if we had a huge mansion. Tiles would look right in a large house. But not in our small house.
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It's nice to finally realize that happiness is a choice regardless of circumstance. It's not always easy maintaining this attitude as I'm sure you know.
But I admire the Jews in the concentration camps that found their happiness where they could, despite their hardships and suffering. Also people from war torn Africa that have suffered unspeakable horrors, yet many don't seem much affected psychologically, like a Westerner would, once they are removed from these horrors. Furthermore, many have big and beautiful, blinding white teeth smiles.
When I feel sad, I like to remind myself of the characters in the novels of Charles Dickens and how many of them kept a cheerful, optimistic attitude despite their circumstances. Another great book for making me feel better when I feel sorry for myself is The Jungle by Upton Sinclair.
I would really like to recommend an awesome book called You Are the Answer by Michael J. Tamura. It is a very self-empowering book. Oh, and it's not hairy-fairy. It's a really good read and has many useful meditation exercises to regain your own personal power and confidence.
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